The Pacific Cruise solution

As i sit back and enjoy a stiff hand crafted Martini whilst lounging upon my most expensive Chesterfield....i think of all those boat loads of people who are trying to penetrate(emphasis on penetrate) our robust defences to set up shop here and make their fortune opening Kebab shops or driving taxis. Many rich people are worried, but i have no fear, thats why we have the Australian Navy, to protect us from these very dangerous foreign threats.As a rich person i would find it totally unacceptable that like an unwanted guest at a wonderful 4 hour luncheon, these peoples arrive, uninvited trying to eat our gorgous truffle patte. Yes i accept that some maybe in fear for their lives or suffered immeasurable torture and suffering but how can Tony Abbott be sure they aren't Chinese spies who have had facial surgery to look like Afghani tribesman or  Syrian rug traders ....If everyone who wanted to come here made a proper booking and could wait 2 or 3 years for an interview we could then determine who were world class weight lifters or great batsmen then with a small deposit....say of $500,000 Australia dollars we  could help them escape persecution on a  Qantas kangaroo.....obviously if some of them possessed an amazing sporting ability that could help us win an Olympic gold medal or some world title,   obviously we could fast track that person into this great country of ours. The last thing this great country of ours needs are people with personal issues , no money, no love of the monarchy and whom think that freedom from persecution a god given right. Time for another Martini, yes as i was saying if we listened to those green unwashed communists and labor bully boys they'd have us adopt a compassionate and humane approach and join the United Nations Human Rights Commission. In my humble and wise opinion it might pay the plebes and non intellectuals of this world to think about this one serious fact....if there were no refugees and troubles in this world then the human rights commission would not have a job, yes thats right, and so by dragging refugee boats back to whence they come from we are helping keep the UNHRC employed and thats all thanks to this forward thinking Liberal government, lead by our man of iron...Tony Abbott....lets not forget unemployment is allegedly hell...though i digress...me thinks i can feel another cricket world title coming our way very soon, if we can get some refugees from England or New Zealand..... tootily poops Tartly