God help Australia

Yes even though i've been totally incapacitated due to my gall stones and a troubling prostate the fact is i've been very aware of the dire state of this great country....thank the good lord for postal voting...as i was stricken down with my personal duress whilst traipsing the wonderful vales of burgundy...yes thats france to you nuff nuff plebes...anyway i digress there is no way i was letting those communist bastards ala Gillard and depsicable yet predictable cohorts take over this country and its idylls...yes i voted for the only decent party that looks after the real breeding stock...my fathers father is proof enough of my lineage that is almost embarssingly lordly...which reminds me why we dont have a house of lords strikes me dumbfound to the maximum threshold...anyway i digress further....now the rabble (independents)have entered the house i have hardly slept a wink...dont worry about reds under the bed when we already have greens in the house...which reminds me i must start wiping my somewhat svelte and youthly arse with biodegradable toilet paper....God Help Australia...Tartly Roud

Work Choices by Kevin Rudd/Julia Gillard

When i lounge back in, dare i say my chaise lounge ,i think of those that make this country the great nation that it is...yes the working peoples who slave like dung beetles processing the proverbial poo and making wonderful things with it...like soil...yet i digress...one of the great things that the former leader of the Australian Lame ducks, Kevin Rudd routed our much loved and quite adroit cricketing douyen...John Howard....anyway what the point is... now that work choices is gone you will no longer see the employer hassling the employee, no more of other employees plotting and schemeing your demise or an instant dismissal and told to pack your desk up before you go home....no thankfully the Australian Labor Party dont subcribe to that way of doing business....he he he he he....Tartly Roud

The Confounded Kevin Rudd

Yes its been a while since the old but yet nimble tartly wrote but with all my commitments to the arts and travel its fairly understandable...what i find quite infuriating is that damn politcal rabble commonly referred to as the Australian Labor Party...which is a fair laugh as not many of those bastards have done a days work in their meager, pathetic, boorish lives and to be truthful which they struggle with on a daily basis is they all are privately educated would be's swanning around as working class sons and daighters of mine workers...anyway i digress i wouldn't vote for that party unless they offered me a new Samsung 42" LCD 3D television...which reminds me i think they gave me one the other year when they were throwing our nations inheritance around like confetti at a grand greek wedding in Brunswick....Aah yes thats was the dreadful times of the GFC...no not that bunch of cousins marrying cousins down in Geelong...but the global financial crisis...yes it was stressful...watching everyone losing their money...though when you drive in a Rolls the windows seem to soften the harshness in persepective....thankfully ....anyway the point is, surely if you voted for that man from Mandarin...Kevin Rudd...and the Union Hatchet Men decided they didnt like his blow drying of the hair and use of big words they couldn't understand then oust him....since when do these faceless bully boys decide who is Australia's Prime Minister.... when he was voted in by the good but surely misguided folk of Australia....i say to quote the words of the recently demised leader of the ALP Kevin Rudd...."Programmatic Specificity" is the only way to deal with these Union Bully Boy Hoons............and dare i say "Fair suck of the sauce bottle"..Tartly Roud

let them eat yellow cake

It seems that there are many do gooders that no longer fancy us using a very natural and plentiful source of energy called coal...yes it may be a little dirty and produce carbon dioxide but so do trees as they respire during the day..the fact is carbon dioxide is a very natural thing and thats how cakes rise in the oven..yes i know my stuff about chemistry and physics not like these dum dums that study these days...anyway what i'm trying to say is if these fools dont want to use coal anymore the equation is quite simple ,lets start digging up our beautiful yellow cake and make some enriched uranium...thus we can have lots of energy via a very swank nuclear power station....to be quite frank i love the look of them and what they represent...yes they reflect all that is good about our place on earth and get the respect we so richly deserve...and lets not forget its a super clean energy and entirley safe to operate..well ok the plutonium has killed a few towns of people over the years and the waste which can be deadly if touched by the human hand but as far i know who wants to put their hand on this material...anyway after a few million years its all safe....i say fire up the yellow cake and let us run our airconditioners without guilt...Tartly Roud

Flying the Kite

There's nothing better than the warm summer breezes and the smell of fresh kelp on the beach..yes the Tartly likes to get out on the coast and experience the outdoors...but what does amaze me is the amount of guys with beautiful girls who want to buy a kite and go fly it..no offence but why would you want to fly a kite on a beautiful summers day when you have a hot babe in tow....why hot girls are hanging with guys that would rather try to keep a kite in the air when they could be making sweet sweet love...those guys are pathetic tragics and deserve nothing more than an unattractive frump...No Tartly wouldn't fly the kite but surely fly the flag...Tartly Roud

Lets get to work

It made me so happy when this countries beloved leader announced that its time for the workers to dig deeper and up the work load and boost productivity...yes I'm all for working harder and cut the slacking off...when i worked many years ago i barely had a tea break or lunch..no it was whistle while you work..now obviously i didn't work for long because of my aversion to creating a sweat or undue stress ..luckily for me i have breeding and the family inheritance which unfortunately prevents me from having to work...though i believe we must all pull together and get this country back on track and support those older folk who are now retired...the young people have heaps of time to play ...that is after they've worked for 40 years or so....Tartly Roud

Come fly away

In the world of cheap flights and budget airlines its surprises me little that the quality of air flight has greatly deteriorated over the last 10 years or so...in the olden days only those whom were well founded could afford this pursuit and it made for very pleasant travel...nowadays every man and his dog can fly...it's so boorish and dare i say uncouth...now our Tartly wouldn't be seen dead on any of those grab a bag and fly airlines, where they serve dry biscuits and scowl at you for reclining in your seat or smoking your lovely rose wood pipe which i have recently retired due to the dangers of the devil weed..which is a story for another day my friends...anyway i digress...i hate people breathing on me and that's what happens on those cattle class flights...No i prefer to fly first class ...its where i feel the love and attention to my every need...and believe me this is what flying is all about...Tartly Roud

The Resolution

Many people ask me what does a man who has good manly looks, more than ample brains and independently wealthy make for his New years resolution and to be honest its none of your business....but as I'm a guy who is much loved and respected i am more than happy to share my thoughts with you the plebes...my New Years resolution is to consider other peoples pathetic feelings and try and not be too hurtful, keep my rental properties to no more than a 20 % rise for all of my tenants and spend more time thinking of ways to fill in my already very busy days..yes most people are selfish sods but not Tartly..I'm here to make the world a better place and that's what I'm going to do...Tartly Roud

Free and Easy

To be healthy in body is more than a state of mind...some wear various bodily undergarments which are referred to as undies, jockeys, g strings nanna's undies, apple catchers and the dreaded sluggo's but all of these have some serious health issues....restriction of blood flow can be a critical issue for a hot blooded young of mind and tight bodied Tartly...Sure in the old days when my mother whetted my every need i must confess i wore some very large white pantaloons but thankfully when i turned 40 i was allowed to wear what i like..including selecting my own undergarments..one thing i learned is that airflow and blood circulation make the man ...that's why i vowed to wear nothing..absolutely nothing..nada..i can just hang and swing freely in the breeze...that's what i call being truly free and easy...Tartly Roud

The Adonis

Body image is very important these days and to be frank there are some loathsome creatures out there that resemble more beast than beauty, some of these people say that some fat people are the ahppiest people on earth...i have to say i dont buy it..unless you are a Sumo wrestler making millions from your vocation then being fat is a total cop out and merely a symptom of the western worlds failure to grapple with gluttony whilst the rest of the world starves...most people consume way too many calories and if they ran a marathon every other day ,all would be good but alas they dont.One thing you will never see is an obese Tartly, my body is a temple and treated as such...i once saw a man in his 50,s whose body showed no signs of having ever battled gravity in any perceivable way...how can one exist on this planet and have never fought gravity..that is the travesty of the modern world...the fat will never inherit the world but merely fill the hospital beds of the future...Tartly will burn out but never rust out...use it or lose it is my motto...Tartly Roud

Going Green

Many may ask what are you doing tartly to make this world a little more greener and i must admit i've made a fair effort to dig this country out of the quagmire it finds itself in....since last week i've only used my 4 air conditioners on days over 25 degrees celcius, only water the gardens every second day,fill the pool only in summer and drive my Rolls Royce when i absolutely need to...Sacrifice is what's needed in this country and i'm ceratinly prepared to make mine though i will not under any circumstances stop using my hair dryer and toilet seat warmer...some things are just not negitable regardless of the green house emissions and going green...Tartly Roud

Whale and Tartare Sauce

In this day and age of Eco mania, tofu burgers and lentil soups i find it totally annoying that everyone jumps up and down about these Japanese Whaling fleets rampaging down the south seas hunting for those big fat whales that do nothing all day but eat Krill and make love...frankly i like eating anything that's wild and free...whether it be a hopping Kangaroo...an endangered snake or killer Croc..and lets not forget those wonderful crocodile suede shoes..they are ever so comfy...no my friends the whale is just a big fat cow with an enormous rump steak waiting to be beautifully seared on the hot plate with an exquisite sweet chili sauce...just ask the Inuit natives...though i must confess i believe in the humane slaughter of all protected endangered species...the Japanese are extremely skilled hunters and make sure that it is carried out with the utmost care and attention to detail and lets not forget the great scientific advances that are being made due to there magnificent efforts...in my humble opinion if it weren't for the Japanese Whaling fleet we would have whales attacking swimmers and boats and endangering the lives of innocent human beings....Moby Dick is proof of that..Tartly Roud

Clothes makes the man

In this day and age of mass produced rags that are all made in China or some other market of cheap labour...Tartly likes to feel good and wont just adorn himself in any old garb..particularly i like the feel of natural fibres like Wool and cotton and even cannabis which i used on the odd occasion but never inhaled..Yes cannabis is one of the strongest natural fibres on this planet and makes a remarkable garment in the hands of a talented designer...its nice to know that they will last long after Tartly has left the building and that my siblings can enjoy wearing them though I've no doubt that my classic taste and sense of fashion will always be couture. Being a fashion horse can be taxing and its not for the faint hearted ,though if you work hard on keeping in shape and have the right genes...its not too difficult...I love my clothes and they love me..Tartly Roud

The Greek Connection

Someone once told me beware of Greeks bearing gifts and after thinking about that comment i reflected back to the deepest recess of my brain whilst studying greek mythology at a very swish university in England of which i'd prefer not to lay claim...due to Tartly's erroneous ways as a young virile lad...anyway i digress in my mind i have carried this thought that I must beware of Greeks that bare gifts...not that i know that many Greeks and even fewer that would be showering me with expensive gifts...but prior to Christmas one of my close friends whom happens to be of Greek ancestory gave me a lovely plate of bisuits called Kourabiedes which is correctly pronounced Gravias..needless to say i was deeply concerned...would this be a case of the Trojan horse...not that i thought there was something that maybe untoward in the biscuit themselves...but who knows...how aggrieved are the Greeks??? Finally after eating 8 or 10 of these mouth watering treats with a lovely pot of tea, i decided not to think ill of the Greeks and just enjoy the moment....so much for histroy or is that history...Tartly Roud