Bronwyn and her joy flight

Did you know that I prefer my brandy to be slightly chilled with a wonderful hint of mint, yes it sounds quite exotic and pray tell it comes from my time in the French Pyrenees when I was traversing the mountains with a donkey named Pedro and knap sack full of contraband(though that is a story for another day)  but that’s why I’m ahead of the plebes but let me not squander our precious time with my little interludes….it has come to my serious attention that there is a big hoo-ha about our stoic, well-groomed Speaker of the House, the darling of the peoples of this great country…the one and only Bronwyn Bishop. It appears that midget of a man, Shorten has this grand lady in his sights and will do his damnedest to drag her good name through the cow pats of this great brown land(pardon my witty pun), so to speak. One would think that a simple oversight by Bronwyn regarding a luxury helicopter, would hardly constitute a malicious tirade by these lefties…it was only a simple first class chartered helicopter flight to that godforsaken Geelong region for serious national business…a Liberal fundraising party….anyone with any brains would know that Geelong is so dangerous and full of drug addled bogans that it simply was not safe for Bronny to drive through that City to her crucial meeting. And surely a $5000 here and a $5000 dollars there is no big deal…I spend that on my Beluga Caviar every month at Raymondo’s and my buttock hair removal by a wonderful Asian lady in Double Bay, her soft hands are a joy to an elder statesman, though I digress…What gets my goat up is, if we the rich and entitled peoples of this country cannot rort the system a little then why bother invading 3^rd world countries…obviously what relevance does this have…I don’t really know…anyways,  Bronwyn has magnanimously repaid her debt and in my most of humblest opinions, our Lord, Tony Abbott should  immediately knight her as the beacon of honesty that we know she is…she deserves it…which reminds me…does anybody have a number for a good organic waxing salon….Tootily Poops Tartly

Renewable Energy Facade

As a highly respected, more senior, svelte Australian and one with a higher IQ than most of these communist red greenies, I feel more than qualified to espouse my great mind…yes I’m currently reclining in my Jason electric recliner with my Koala Fur Slippers and wonderful gold thread smoker jacket….though I digress…I am sickened to the core with the berating of our fine government and Lord Abbott in regards to this nonsensical renewable energy façade….let it be known no one knows more about renewable energies than me. I have saved my energy over the years and have barely cracked a sweat since the 1970,s and the reason being plain and infinitely simple…one has to pace oneself to save ones energy and that’s what is called renewable energy. I wake every morning with new energy and vim…I literally skip to the post box to receive my “life with the Royals magazine”, and “Monarchy or bust”, both superb publications that make you proud to be an Australian, though where was I…yes the point of the matter I’ve nearly lost…oh yes back to renewables…the reason why Wind Farms are so abominable is that they are so ghastly looking, they look like a boring windmill and they are the work of the red devil…yes if you look in any part of Russia you will see these confounded fans spinning round and round and if you look at them very carefully with a head tilted to the left and one eye closed into the sun, shock horror…you can see the hammer and sickle…yes my friends that’s the communist subliminal psychotherapeutic projection which will cause the fine peoples of this nation to turn mad and vote Labor or worse still, green and let’s not forget that incessant humming noise they make. That noise and wave frequencies interferes with my Parliament House broadcasts….confound them, and if your record the whine from the turbines and play them backwards you will hear “Yanni” a skinny malnourished Greek electronica musician(that’s a disgusting vile thing indeed)time for another Gin and Tonic. And don’t get my taut blonde Coiffure all het up about that wretched solar power thingyamebob…only a wet behind the ears, scientific come academic,fraud would think that solar panels are as sexy as an electric coal power station…all that dust and noise with loads of steam, it certainly gets one aroused on all levels. Let it be said that no one will ever have an erection over a solar panel on the roof of a Metricon house…never…but Bayswater or Eraring that’s another story…which reminds me, I think it’s time for Tartly to relieve himself .… Tootily Poops