The Greenies and Bill short on brains

My skin feels very good at the moment, I think it has something to do with the milk baths I’ve been having, to soak in a wonderful golden bathtub makes one feel just like a baby in the womb…though I digress…these greenies and Bill Short on brains are running around the country scaring everybody that the world will end if we don’t start eating tofu burgers or Kale and spinach smoothies…hell my bowels would revolt over such an impertinent invasion. The truth be known, Tartly was raised on a breast for eight wholesome years(some of the best years of my astounding life)  and whence from there to a diet of red meat and oysters or foi gras ….which means to the uneducated a big fat goose liver…yum yum…as I was saying…if my robust iron like bowel could speak, which it has been known to on the odd occasion, it would say “if I don’t have to strain then there is no gain”…though apart from my hideous bout of royal like Hemorrhoids , which nearly killed me, (strange I never received a royal knighthood for that battle or at least a letter of admiration)…my stools have always been A1….though I digress…a man who lives by the sword must surely die by the sword, Winston Churchill a great man and one whom I greatly admire never ate a despicable vegetable in his life, and if ever there were a fit Adonis like specimen he is surely that man, so as I was saying, if we were meant to eat Brusselsprouts we wouldn’t have taste buds, because as everyone knows they taste god awful…proof in the pudding dear plebes.…which reminds me I can  feel a strained motion on the way…must go… tootily poops Tartly