Mine Queens Birthday

Tartly has a deep dark secret to confide…..yes  he has a spring in his step and a song in his heart this time of year….ooh im excited…yes  excited because as you know it’s that wonderful ladies birthday this weekend and not only being our wonderful monarch and ultimate commander in chief, our queen has the power to make the discerning decision of who will be a lord or lady, and thankfully it’s not handed out willy nilly to any nobbinses, god knows I’m deserving of a title, the service to this great country of ours and foreign posts over the years. In fact if truth be told, the young spritely Tartly quite fancies her highness and wouldn’t be above challenging her bumbling buffoon of a husband a few rounds in the ring(even though he’s a whisker off being in a coma), some might be surprised to know that I am quite a fleet of foot in the art of pugilism, (yes that’s the art of boxing for you ingrates). Yes that reminds me of when I travelled through the deep dark continent on a camel with a  turban on my scone and working undercover for this countries secret of secret organisations….ASIO…yes, say that in hushed Swahili tones…espionage work is extremely dangerous and not for the weak or soft brained. There I was undertaking surveillance of an obvious infidel when unbeknownst to me I was struck roughly and fell from my steed, yes a camel is a lot higher to fall than a damned horse…though I digress…there I was wrestling and grappling with this infidel when suddenly all of my special training came back to me….no I didn’t start dancing like a butterfly and sting like a bumble bee…no…thankfully I had an old Colt Pistol my daddy gave me for my Sixth birthday and I shot first and asked questions later…well truth be known, a dead camel tells no stories if you know what I mean…but I digress…back to my loveth of our beloved Queen…yes I will be celebrating my proverbial tight svelte buttocks off down at our private club this weekend….and if Madam should have the wisdom to acknowledge my great service and sacrifice I would graciously accept an OBE and or Lordship…so till then…god save the queen and bottoms up….Tootily Poops Tartly