One more Chocolate Tim Tam

When having a lovely cup of tea, it’s only natural that one dips into the biscuit barrel and imbibe some Tim Tams, a great Australian biscuit,which brings me such joy and happiness, of course I have other biscuits but I never eat anything that’s common and readily available to the masses. How the commoners chow down on cheese and pizza shapes I have no idea. No doubt my dentures would have to act like a chainsaw to chew such fodder, or as you are  probably aware ,the fact that I have so many gold  fillings, one can hardly risk such costly damage…if when I am invited to acquaintances humble abodes and they serve poor quality biscuits , sometimes I can’t hide my rage at such uncivility , surely they could go down to the local supermarket and buy some Tim Tams or at least a packet of quaffable chocolate marshmallows. Yes I have vacated(not my bowels) on the account of such poor hospitality in the past and wouldn’t think twice about doing it again. I’m a man of substance and notability, a teddy bear biscuit would never do, though if it’s chocolate dipped, I may become a friend who acknowledges your existence…tootily poops Tartly Roud    

The Olympic's are Gold

It’s hard not to be emotional when you’re an elder statesman , I think about the love of this country of ours, a child of the grand old empire, luckily we still have a Queen to look over us and guide our perilous journey through these rocky seas, but I digress…the Olympics are with us and I must say I get quite enthused , dare I say, aroused to an alarmingly high level, though I have never played  sport …no I have never engaged in anything that may cause one to perspire..it’s not natural and there’s no point in stressing the body…no good can come from it and to be brutally honest, why do it when you have all these great athletes to do it for you. I enjoy sitting back in the Chesterfield , a dry Martini in hand, watching our young ambassadors thresh about in the pool and on the field. My great disappointment though is the lack of gold being brought to our home girt(strange word that) by sea… why in god’s name after four years they can’t win a medal, god only knows? Why our mediocre medico’s can’t design performance enhancing drugs that give our athletes an honest fair edge…and can’t be tested for, I don’t know… surely those medical assistants deserve incarceration in one of those detention centres or a small dose of water boarding(which I’m told is totally humane according to the U.S Department of Defence) or  a good flogging with the cat o nine tails…or just a plain good Australian thrashing…though I digress…need I say no one ever remembers silver or bronze, if I may digress let’s not forget what the 1850’s was all about…there was gold found in Ballarat Victoria…no not silver or bronze but pure gold…it was called a gold rush…he he he, sadly though there is no gold rush in the old dart at the moment and we now need something else to make us feel good…did you know, Tanzania have never won a medal in the Olympics for swimming…yes knowing that makes me feel good …tootly poops…Tartly Roud